I read all the Harry Potter books and it was whatever: A definitive ranking

The thing about me is that I am teeming with hot takes.

All of my thoughts: controversial. My opinions: unpopular. Simply put, my takes are hot.

If I were alive in late seventeenth century Salem, I have to imagine I’d be hanged for my witchdom. (Fun fact: They did not burn the witches.) I have to imagine that both because a) I am constantly yelling about things and people do not like it, and b) if you were a young woman in Salem in sixteen ninety whatever and you WEREN’T on trial for being a witch, you must have been lame af. In this narrative in which I live a few miles over and three hundred years earlier, I would quite literally rather die than be some non-witch nerd. Ugh.

Anyway, one of these opinions that is both completely factually right, because I am always right, and devastatingly controversial: my thoughts on the Harry Potter series. Which is the following:

The Harry Potter books aren’t that good.

Go ahead. Yell at me. THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE GALILEO EITHER, GUYS. THEY SAID “HEY DARWIN, YOU NERD, STOP LOOKING AT BIRDS. EVOLUTION ISN’T REAL AND WE ALL JUST APPEARED HERE.” I am a mashup of every right person that people thought was wrong, and also a very cool Salem witch because of reasons already expressed just let me have this okay!!

Okay, so. I suffered through all the Harry Potter books. My prize is that now I get to rank them. (Insert little purple smiling emoji demon, because that is one of my 2 favorite emojis currently but I won’t actually insert it because it doesn’t fit the aesthetic.)

Let’s do this! Beginning with the worst and working our way up through the varying degrees of “just okay.”

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7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Rating: ✦✧✧✧✧   Review: here

#7 in the series and #7 in our hearts. (Except more like # negative infinity.)

You know a book is bound to be good when the A Very Potter Musical summary of it is way more amusing, entertaining, and unique and also a hundred million thousand times more succinct.

Honestly I will always be grateful to this book, because I almost grew feelings and was almost going to be sad about finishing this series. And then this million-page monster came along, destroyed everything, and reminded me that nothing is good so there’s no point in being sad about endings anyway.

The romantic pairings are very bad. The plot is comically boring. All the characters are awful and it’s just The Harry Show for a million years (the actual length of this book). There is no logic whatsoever. It’s just a very terrible book if you take the nostalgia and the emotional manipulation and the sadness (never heard of it) away.

Also Snape sucks.

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6. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Rating: ✦✦✧✧✧ Review: here

This one was VERY fun because I had briefly managed to trick myself into thinking that this reread was going to be one hundred percent happy-happy-joy-joy and then this book came along and laughed in my face. “Ha ha,” said this book. “You fool. You absolute idiot. Nothing is good in this world and how dare you ever forget it.”

And then it spent a few hundred pages being mildly poorly written and boring and stagnant and Hermione-less and was on its merry way.

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5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Rating: ✦✦✦✧✧ Review: here

THIS BOOK IS SO LONG. Can you believe it? 870 pages. That’s the most unnecessary thing I’ve ever heard. This is like, the book that is supposed to represent the full 180 this series took from middle grade to YA, but honestly more like the 180 from “at least short, mercifully” to “long and f*cking boring.”

Just kidding. With some (one) exceptions. (One exception.)

Anyway this book is very long and half very good and half very bad. It perfectly encapsulates what is to come with the remaining two books.

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4. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Rating: ✦✦✦✦✧ Review: here

This was pretty entertaining but also very imperfect. And also it’s middle grade as hell and a) you guys know how I feel about middle grade and b) middle grade always just gets lighter ratings. Because they’re light books. They are, simply put, Not That Deep.

Then this series has to go and f*ck it all up but that’s another thing.

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3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Rating: ✦✦✦✦✧ Review: here

Harry and Ron are super annoying in this one. The depiction of women varies from very awesome to not at all awesome. Snape continues to exist. Some things just absolutely full on don’t make sense.

But also there was a lot of worldbuilding (my favorite thing about this series) and the plot could be generously described by some as “exciting” and that is truly just about the most you can ask for with this series.

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2. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Rating: ✦✦✦✦✦ Review: here

THIS IS THE ONLY BOOK YOU’RE ALLOWED TO CALL GOOD BASED ON NOSTALGIA ALONE. Because I said so, and because it’s the only time I did that and only my opinion matters.

Anyway I read this book in a sitting at Christmastime-ish and it was really delightful. I have no real complaints about it, except that Snape continues stubbornly to be something I have to deal with.

But seriously you guys – this is just a really good children’s book. Nothing to spend decades obsessing over in my sweet, 100% correct opinion.

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1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Rating: ✦✦✦✦✦ Review: here

Okay. Here it is. The ONLY book in this series actually worthy of obsessing over and the only one that I truly actually really love. In an “ended-up-on-my-all-time-favorites-list” type of true adoration.

Anyway. This is just a really good book in terms of characters and character development. And literally the only good one at actually displaying emotion that isn’t emotional manipulation.

I love it a lot.

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What are your thoughts on the Harry Potter series? Which installment is your favorite? Your least favorite?

Are you a rabid Harry Potter fan come to kill me?

71 thoughts on “I read all the Harry Potter books and it was whatever: A definitive ranking

  1. bookwormmuse says:

    I absolutely loved everything in this post and while I am a Harry Potter fan, I can see the flaws in it too! It’s really dependent on when you read the books, I think. As a child, you are more likely to form attachments to the series and to let go or avoid some of the problematic issues in the books.

    That said, I don’t think I will ever stop being attached to that series tho.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      omg thaaaank you! i read these books in childhood but then didn’t touch them for 10 years, so i was pretty detached reading them in the last year or so. but i totally get that! even with all that i still felt v nostalgic while reading the first book

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lily @ Sprinkles of Dreams says:

    Harry Potter is my 12/10 about the nostalgia, wanting to go to Hogwarts/visit Hogsmeade/be a badass witch, and best friends with Luna and Hermione for me … amongst other things.

    But it’s really not that well-written, and the more JKR adds to it, the more I want a different book series to be my childhood.

    Also, I still think you’re the Coolest, okbye.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      the setting of this is honestly amazing. i cannot even lie and say it is not, much as i may like to for the #controversy. and the worldbuilding is just…spectacular. however everything else??? bad!!!

      also i am growing to dislike jk rowling as a person so that’s complicated too.

      shut up coming from the coolest person ever??? the highest possible praise

      Like

  3. bookgraphy says:

    HAHAH Emma and her unpopular opinions 😂 I guess I respect everyone’s opinions, I love all the Harry Potter books. I also just finished rereading them. hmm my ranking changed a bit now that I’m older, for example The Half Blood Prince is one of my favorites now, when I was a child I found it super boring just because I was a child and I just wanted Harry to do something cool haha. My favorite is the Prisoner of Azkaban and I agree the Order of the Phoenix was too long, it was not necessary to make it thaat long haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      lol classic me!!! yess i don’t remember loving Half Blood Prince when i first read it (although granted it was over 10 years ago so. the memory’s a bit faulty) but it’s far and away my favorite now!

      Like

  4. readingbystarlightblog says:

    Heeheeheee – And I thought I’d collected some very unpopular opinions over the years! But that’s okay because Harry Potter’s not for everyone. I think you either love it or hate it – there’s not a whole lot of in-between here. I do agree with you on the pairing front. Ron was never going to make Hermione happy. Like in what world?!? Also I just never felt Ginny and Harry. Where was the chemistry? the Zsa Zsa Zsu??? I would have been on board with Harry and Hermione or better yet – Harry and Luna!

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      i both love and hate it! & yesyesyes to the romances. there was a blip when i liked ginny and harry but that, like everything good in this world, was ruined in the last book. personally my ideal romances would maybe be ron and luna, fred and hermione, but i could see harry and luna!

      Liked by 1 person

      • readingbystarlightblog says:

        Omg Fred and Hermione??? YES! I never even considered that pairing but now you mention it it actual works. As much as I adore Harry Potter, I actually feel like the romantic pairings for the most part were an after thought. I never felt the passion or the heat. It was just like “okay – better add some romance, okay let’s put these characters together… Oh and these two fit well enough…”. I prefer the whole save-the-world-thing more than the romantic subplots.

        Liked by 1 person

      • emmareadstoomuch says:

        fred and hermione don’t interact thaaaat much but whenever they do it is so sweet! they work so well together.

        & i agree! the #1 thing i think is really excellent about these books is the setting, and then of course there are some exciting moments and there are a couple great examples of character development (that are soon forgotten). but one thing that is not at all standout – or is in a bad way – those stupid romances!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. May @ Forever and Everly says:

    I LOVE YOU AND YOUR COMPLETELY RIGHT CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS!!!!

    I actually think Half-Blood Prince was one of my least favorites because of all the focus on Snape whom I hate unequivocally but also I read the books years ago and haven’t reread them since and I remember next to nothing!!! not sure if I wanna reread the books either considering the mess JKR has gotten herself into 🤮

    (but Prisoner of Azkaban was my fave because of Sirius and I feel validated that that book isn’t low on the ranking and got FOUR STARS from you)

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      I ALSO LOVE YOU AND ALSO LOVE YOUR COMPLETELY RIGHT CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS!!! and, as established, having them with you.

      ewwwww the reason i love Half Blood Prince is all that sweet sweet character development but i do hate snape with all that i am. hilarious that i read this book less than one year ago and already totally forget most of it

      (sirius is amazing in azkaban and he is kind of ruined for me later on but azkaban gets no hate from me!!)

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sophie @ Blame Chocolate says:

    You know what, I’m a HP fan and even I agree with you on a lot of this.

    Like, you’re one of the five people in this world to agree with me on Snape. Like, who cares if he died protecting Harry or whatever?? He made the kid’s life a living hell just because he was butt-hurt his crush didn’t like him back and chose the jock instead. Like, get over yourself Snape. I would choose James Potter too instead, any day.

    My favourites are OotP and PoA. And I know, I know your opinion on them but hear me out. Yes, one is long as heck but it has so much interesting stuff going on, you know? And the other one was just plain wacky and cool and broke away from the usual stuff that happened at Hogwarts and made the stakes a lot higher.

    So yeah. I like controversial opinions as much as I like cupcakes, which means you should keep it up and feed me. Often. (That sounded wrong but you get my drift).

    Like

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      ohhh my god i’m in love with you for your snape statement. yes exactly!!! the way he, an adult man, treats harry and every other student just makes no sense to me.

      there are moments in OotP that i thought were five star level/just adored!! it’s just there were also parts that i really did not like at all. i do think it could be shorter and be one of my favorites in the series. and i totally get the prisoner of azkaban appeal. it is very very fun

      ugh thank you. i will 100% keep posting controversial opinions as long as you keep posting your amazing entertaining addictive posts (with the greatest formatting known to man)

      Like

  7. Gerry@TheBookNookUK says:

    I still love Harry Potter but I think a lot of that may be because I read the first book at my grandparents house with my socks pulled up to my knees and I read the last book the evening of my graduation from uni (it was when it was released)! So I do wonder how much is based on nostalgia and sentimentality because I haven’t actually re-read any of them even though the movies are on every Christmas and without fail, I watch them every Christmas.

    I think my favourite is Prisoner of Azkaban but that’s because my favourite characters were introduced – Remus and Sirius. I also hate Snape but I feel like you can’t *actually* say you hate Snape because people will come for you. I don’t have the words to fully describe how much I hated the epilogue in the final book. I went on the studio tour, proclaimed to my husband how much I hated the epilogue and honestly… I thought some people were going to grab pitchforks.

    But why the hell did he name his kid after Dumbledore & Snape?!?! I just…. yeah.

    I sort of loved JK Rowling once but now I wish she would just stop.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      i definitely understand liking the books out of nostalgia! i read them all in one go more than ten years ago though so it’s not so nostalgia-inducing for me. except the first book, which was VERY sentimental and lovely for me.

      HONESTLY THOUGH! i am dumbledore trash but i don’t understand how harry could possibly want to name his kid after, at best, his teacher who bullied him and at worst his mom’s harasser/stalker.

      at this point, jk rowling has disappointed me utterly. and she just keeps getting worse

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ellyn says:

    OKAY so I feel slightly attacked because Chamber of Secrets is one of my faves but also I understand all your issues with the series and I still love you.

    I do still love HP but honestly, JKR has ruined the series for me because she’s the actual devil™ and she’s offended like, every group of people on the planet so far and it makes me sad.

    I have a lot of nostalgia for the series but the author’s behaviour after finishing the series has really turned me off reading the books.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      i love you, both for this comment and in general.

      i do see the appeal of Chamber of Secrets!! especially from a middle grade standpoint (which you know i love). i think for me it’s just i got realllll nostalgic and sentimental and excited over Sorcerer’s Stone and then Chamber of Secrets was kinda “…oh.”

      JKR never ceases to disappoint/infuriate me. there’s this tweet that’s like “the saddest death in harry potter is my respect for jk rowling” and honestly…tru

      Liked by 1 person

  9. may says:

    you coming out here and roasting harry potter in public, heroes do really exist. thank you for serving our nation and putting yourself at risk with expressing such a controversial take

    honestly i stanned the right queen

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Elizabeth says:

    I totally get what you’re saying! I think Chamber of Secrets is very, very boring and Dobby is a selfish jerk. He dumped cake all over some ladies head, got Harry blamed for it, and ALSO stole all of Harry’s letters. I hated Dobby and like Kreacher tons better because he wasn’t creepily obsessed with a 12 year old.

    My favs alternate between Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire. Honestly, the last 3 books made better movies because they’re so effing long. Way too long to actually enjoy and the character development is abysmal. It’s like all we’re supposed to care about is Snape forgiveness and I’ll never, ever forgive Snape.

    Okay, actually, Neville Longbottom’s character development is a gem that is overlooked in all of Harry’s angst. If this series was about Neville, I’d be 110% happier.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      oohhhhh my god i think i just fell in love with you (even more than i already was). i do not understand why everyone loves dobby so much!! creepy annoying lil weirdo ruins everything.

      ALSO ALSO ALSO you brought up my literal favorite character?? i’m 99% sure neville is only so excellent because he’s not in the books that much, so JKR didn’t have time to ruin him, but still. he’s the only character who develops in a way that sticks and who gets the ending he deserves.

      snape is a goddamn pond monster. i get maybe reading the books for the first time and being like “awww poor snape!” but we’re adults now and we have more cultural awareness of things like sexual harassment and toxic masculinity? so. the snape love needs to die

      Liked by 1 person

  11. malanielovesfiction says:

    I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I agree w youuuu!!!!! the Harry Potter books aren’t world-famous-let’s-make-theme-parks level good?? (this level of good is reserved for The Foxhole Court lkdjfslk). i just really like calling myself a Slytherpuff based on buzzfeed quizzes while only having read up to GoF c:

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      omg I LOVE YOU. also are you deliberately commenting this to pressure me to read the foxhole court??? b/c uh…i am susceptible to claims of theme park-level goodness, apparently.

      & i will admit…i do enjoy calling myself slytherclaw from time to time

      Liked by 1 person

  12. thebookcorps says:

    EMMA!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR REVIEWS! Literally the best part of any review of yours so far: :if you were a young woman in Salem in sixteen ninety whatever and you WEREN’T on trial for being a witch, you must have been lame af” 😂

    I loved the Harry Potter series as a kid … but never as much as my friends did? I always felt like I had to be SUPER obsessed with it like everyone else and kinda forced myself to think it’s 100% amazing. Now that I’m older, I think they’re good books … but that’s it. Good books. Not amazing, not revolutionary — just good.

    My favourite book is also The Half-Blood Prince. I like that the characters matured so much in this book and I love that we learn everything about Voldemort and the Horcruxes — basically everything the books had been leading up to. Least favourite is probably The Chamber of Secrets. It was good but idk the giant snake was random haha. But I also really, really hated the couple pairings. Ron and Hermione? No. Harry and Ginny? A little bit but only barely (but I hate the movie Ginny. She’s a horrible actress)

    ALSO you just made me remember that A Very Potter Musical is a thing and guess who’s going to be spending all day watching the musicals now? This girl.

    Also random, but what’s your Hogwarts house? I see you as Hufflepuff 👀 but what do you think? I am a Slytherin but please don’t judge me.

    💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      omg i encounter so few people whose favorite potter book is also Half-Blood Prince!! best book represent.

      harry & ginny worked for me in the sixth book a bit but that was all lost in the seventh book b/c literally everything sucks in the seventh book!!! & ron and hermione just neverever worked.

      oh my goddd yes rewatch A Very Potter Musical! they are so fun. truly i like them more than the books and i am not sorry about it

      literally no one in the history of the world has ever thought i was a hufflepuff before. wow. this is a whole new thing for me. i am a ravenclaw with a lil slytherin

      thank you for all the nice stuff!!! warms my very heart

      Liked by 1 person

  13. ioana @dragonwaffles says:

    YEEEEY I HAVE FOUND ANOTHER GREMLIN THAT IS NOT THAT OBSESSED WITH HARRY POTTER!!!
    (do i have a problem that i get excited reading negative reviews? probably. does it say something about my inner probably rotten apple core?…hmm might be.)

    do i actually love these books a lot?? YOU BET. And my faves are book 3 and book 7. And I hated Half Blood Prince with a burning passion and never reread it while I reread the others countless times.

    …yeah what am i even doing here your post basically contradicts the last paragraph of this comment completely wow.

    (Honestly WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!?! Does this comment confuse you just as much as it confuses me???)

    Look I like the books I’m just NOT OBSESSED. Jk Rowling gets me on all my nerves and she should get banned from Twitter so that she can’t claim any more #plottwitst that she knew since 1940. (Just somebody please take Twitter away from old people already.)

    And The Cursed Child and Fantastic Beasts are both atrocities that I pretend don’t exist. It’s just a rabbit hole of disappointment that never ends.

    But.
    I HATE SNAPE WITH EVERY VIBER OF MY BEING. why is he there. why does more than half the fandom love him. whyyyy.

    The Chamber of Secrets is bad. It’s boring. I don’t love snakes and that is a book for snake lovers I guess.

    The pairings at the end are bad. The moment romance was introduced to the books (aka book 6) it lost me.

    And the most heartbreak I felt in my life were Fred and George because I loved them so much.

    And did I mention how much I hate JK Rowling yet? It’s not the books fault that she makes me not want to reread any of them ever again.

    Oh and you’re totally a cool witch that would have been hanged in Salem. Maybe they would have even burned you for being too cool. That way your death will be as awesome as you. It suits the dramatics.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      hahahaha we have like. exactly half the same harry potter opinions and exactly half totallyyy different i love it.

      especially b/c we have the same opinion where it counts the most: JK Rowling is the worst ever, her twitter should be deactivated against her will, and she needs to stop making money off this stupid franchise!!!

      and also that snape is the worst. so the two opinions that matter most.

      ugh i didn’t even mention fantastic beasts in this. that book is so irrelevant and unremarkable i literally forgot about it

      three cheers for not obsessing over harry potter and also for me hopefully being burned at the stake as a witch!

      Like

  14. Aimee (Aimee, Always) says:

    I read the first four HP books and can literally remember nothing about them! I didn’t hate them, but they’re actually kind of forgettable? All knowledge I have now from the series is just based off the movies. D: Goblet of Fire was my fave (book-wise). It was the only one where exciting shit happened, BUT THEN IT WAS HUGE AND I FELL ASLEEP MULTIPLE TIMES WHOOPS?? Fantastic post, lovely!!!!

    – Aimee @ Aimee, Always

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      i soooo agree that they’re pretty forgettable! they’re not bad – or at least not all of them are – but i have to say i don’t get the huge obsession. ty ty ty!! and shoutout to goblet of fire for actually having stuff happen even as it was about 500 pages too long.

      Like

  15. shai @ cadeunderbooks says:

    The best thing to come out of Harry Potter is its fandom // so many creative people with amazing world-building headcanons and ideas and art and everything and stuff that is so much better than anything JK has waffled out or tried to include after the fact in the last couple years. Also, something as simple as “what house are you in???” is just fun connective sh*t, ya know?? I’m a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies btw, lol.

    I’ve said for the longest time that four is my fave. I just love that whackadoo tournament. And the world-building in there about other schools was fun. I haven’t done a reread in ages. Def agree with you about Severus “Nice Guy” Snape and I’m still miffed that Harry didn’t name one of his kids after Hagrid (Ruby Luna) because c’mon that idea was right there JK!! Anywho, another reason I still love the series, that nostalgia factor, is just having the movies on around Xmas. IDK they’ve become holiday dressing for me. It’s just nice.

    Keep on SPEWing these hot takes, Emma! Our rankings are a bit different but I largely agree with everything you’ve said and it’s nice that someone’s said the things 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      oooh i so agree. i think that the best thing by a mile about the HP books is the worldbuilding, and the fact that that world has allowed people much more creative and compassionate than jk rowling to feel inspired is a goddamn gift. also, i do like the house thing. (i am also a ravenclaw! but with a sprinkle of slytherin.)

      i do love Goblet of Fire! i’m a character-driven reader, so that’s why Half Blood Prince is my top choice, and i do love a bit of nostalgia, but there’s no book in the series as exciting and creative as #4.

      i will keep spewing hot takes b/c at this point i’m not sure i’d be able to stop if i tried!!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. ed900 says:

    I guess what this 84.6% Snape rant is about: *Also, I’ll fight anyone who says Dumbledore is ~the real villain~ of this series. He’s really not. (Cough, Snape is, cough.)*

    The pond monster/anthropomorphized dumpster/human Port-a-Potty/damp sock and worst person in the mapped universe that is called Severus Snape becomes a romantic hero. He of all people (in the mapped universe). *Bleh.*

    The pond monster is one of the few characters that makes this dumb children series a little bit interesting to me. Otherwise this could be the goddamn Harry MS Potter show from beginning to end. I find the interaction between the two characters interesting. However, it is improbable that Snape can become the real villain. He has no clear motive to be one.

    Like

  17. Friday Chyldes says:

    This review is hilarious, I’m honestly afraid to re-read the books in case the nostalgia goggles slide off and my not really fond of, opinion of JK taints my memories. The Cursed Child is f-ing awful, Fantastic Beasts is crap (so much potential ruined) and her completely problamatic portrayal of Native American ‘magic’ (where as before she was being lauded I remember as being woke af) and her response (non response) just ruines my opinion of her.

    Agreed on Snape, why was he so beloved? He was a bullying, hyper obsessed man child who never got over his first crush. I also agree with most of the ratings, Goblet of Fire was my fave.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmareadstoomuch says:

      excuse me, i am obsessed with you. it’s official. there’s no going back.

      i will never understand the lauding of JK Rowling as woke when, in actuality, her politics are outdated, those of an establishment liberal and cis white straight feminist. they completely crumble upon inspection and she is unwilling to apologize, let alone grow. it is SICKENING and so is SNAPE

      Liked by 1 person

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