It’s been a while again, but I’m just going to pretend it hasn’t been, because once more we are veering ever closer into every-post-begins-with-me-apologizing-for-who-I-am-as-a-person territory. And if you thought this blog couldn’t get more boring and repetitive, JUST YOU WATCH.
LET’S TALK ABOUT HOW PERFECT THIS TAG IS, OKAY?
First, I was tagged by not one, but two people. I know! It almost makes it seem like there are people who like me in this world. Like I may even have – dare I say – a social life.
Which I don’t, but still.
I was also tagged by two of my favorite individuals IN THE WORLD. Or at least on the Internet. The first person is one of my lovely name twins, Emma, whose blog I constantly recommend because she is the sweetest person alive and we will never deserve her. The second person is May, who is so great that she single-handedly motivated me to get Kik just so I could talk to her more often. And that app is hell so if that’s not a resounding endorsement I sure as sh*t don’t know what is.
Thanks to those two gorgeous ladiez.
Now for the tag! First I must say:
This tag is perfect for me.
I actually tag all of the books I don’t like with the word nope. Here, and on Goodreads. It is the perfect word for when a book just really goddamn sucks and I am extremely excited about this very specifically on-brand excuse for me to scream about the novels that most upset me.
I can wait no longer. Let’s get started.
A book ending that made you go nope either in denial, rage, or simply because the ending was crappy.
Has there ever been a truly good ending, ever, if you think about? Isn’t every ending just another wound inflicted in this pointless ambling toward death? Another reminder that everything will end, just like this book has?
But hey, you know, maybe that’s just me.
If you think about it, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is just one bloated, horrible, unnecessary, sloppily done, million-page-long ending, and also sucks, and also I bellowed the word “nope” for each and every one of the book’s seven hundred and fifty-nine pages.
This is such a bad book that it almost makes me want to giggle. I would chuckle girlishly if not for the fact that this is ALMOST EIGHT HUNDRED PAGES LONG. I SPENT ALMOST EIGHT HUNDRED PAGES WITH THIS MONSTER.
Great sign that I’ve already written this much + been reduced to caps lock on the very first prompt of this tag.
A main character you dislike/drives you crazy
All of them.
How could I possibly pick one nope protagonist when there have only ever been 28 yes protagonists?
But someone I really hate…really, reallyyyyyy hate…ah, yes.
Her name is Lila f*cking Bard and she is the biggest hugest brat with an ego so enormous it almost rivals the size of the stick up her ass.
Also she’s from A Darker Shade of Magic. And A Gathering of Shadows. And A Conjuring of Light. I think it’s really so awesome that she is prominently featured in not one, not two, but three books. Really, I do. Her suckiness is just too overwhelming to be encapsulated in a single volume.
I HATE LILA BARD AND SHE IS NOT A FEMINIST ICON IN FACT SHE IS QUITE TERRIBLE TO OTHER WOMEN AND EXISTS AS A SERIES OF TROPES BUT GODDAMN GIVE A GIRL A VIOLENT STREAK AND IT’S LIKE YOU PEOPLE CAN’T EVEN SEE IT!!!!
But yes okay I’ve already ranted about this and if you were interested in that you would’ve read it. Sorry. Moving on.
A series that turned out to be a huge pile of nope after you’ve invested all of that time and energy on it (or a series you gave up on because it wasn’t worth it anymore)
Like, um, again…all of them?
This is so hard because it’s so broad. So many series started out chill and turned out to be goddamn slime monsters. Like, Anna and the French Kiss is amazing, then…what the f*ck is Isla. The Winner’s Curse is p good, The Winner’s Crime is PERFECTION, The Winner’s Kiss is hell on earth. Similar process with The Infernal Devices. Wolf by Wolf versus Blood for Blood. Just One Day compared to Just One Year.
Apparently I am an unlimited well of examples of this. I could power the world. I am a renewable resource like solar or wind. Somehow harness the power of my changing opinions over the course of a series and we will grant electricity to the world, my friend.
Anyway. Just pick one of those examples that tickles your fancy and we’ll go with that.
A ship that you don’t support
It’s just so hard not to steal from myself, you guys. I’m like, so brilliant.
Maxon and America from The Selection kind of suck, right? Like, Maxon is a snooze and a half, don’t get me wrong, and in terms of sheer stupidity and penchant for drama they completely deserve each other, but America is a full-on pond monster and an absolute nightmare and I wouldn’t wish her on my worst enemy.
Actually no, I totally would wish her on my worst enemy. That’d be a perfect punishment for any nemesis I may encounter.
Kiera Cass, if ever you gain the ungodly ability to summon the character of America from the page, you should first warn the world that it has just become immeasurably worse and second…give me a ring.
Nope plot twist
A twist you didn’t see coming and didn’t like
I thought this was going to be hard but it was ACTUALLY SUPER EASY. If you count the ending of the worst book in the world as a plot twist, which I am going to do, then This is Where the World Ends is a full-on easy choice!
Sometimes I forget that book exists and I get to experience a fleeting moment of joy before painfully recalling that actual human people read that book and were like, “Yeah, definitely publish that. Get that sh*t on the shelves asap. People have been just lovin’ manic pixie dream girls and suicide glorification and rape as a plot device separately…it’s time to throw them all together into one hellscape stew of pain and suffering.”
And then the joy is gone.
A genre you will never read
I’m just really not that interested in poetry, generally speaking. I’m SUPER not interested in the new wave Tumblr-y poetry where you just write about self-care and past relationships without using names and hit the enter key a bunch of times.
DO I LIKE POETRY???
ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
Nope book format
A book formatting you hate and avoid buying until it comes out in a different edition
What…could this possibly mean?
All books come out in hardcover first. That is the point. Hardcover to make the most money, then paperback to make more money, then whatever else.
I mean, I hate reading ebooks. Mass market paperbacks are the worst. Please accept either of these answers. Even both if you’re feeling wild.
A trope that makes you go nope.
I hate almost every trope ever. I talk about the things I hate all the time. These two separate phenomena combined make me feel like I talk about this specific topic CONSTANTLY.
However, I do hate the not like other girls trope. And baby, that ain’t never gonna change.
A book recommendation that is constantly pushed at you that you simply refuse to read.
I feel like I don’t do this but also I know that I do this and I just can’t think of an example. But I am usually willing to try a series if a bunch of people tell me I should??? I’ve read straight up the majority of YA bestsellers. Huh.
Oh! I don’t think I’m ever ever in a million years ever going to read The Wrath and the Dawn. Not that people are falling all over themselves to recommend it to me or anything. But like, I have been recommended it before and I just don’t think I’m into it. Doesn’t seem like there’s a good way for that plotline to go, y’know?
WHATEVER. I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU.
A cliché or writing pet peeve that always makes you roll your eyes
Damn this tag is long. Isn’t this kinda similar to nope trope? In other words: I am so so tired and so so lazy.
I guess I am really f*cking sick of every single young adult book having a romance as, like, a requirement. I don’t need to keep outsourcing my adventure stories to middle grade.
ALSO I am super sick of every book being straight white cis people except for one token character sometimes??? Or the book being about that person’s token diversity??????? Why aren’t there narratives featuring diverse casts of characters that reflect the ones we find in our real lives???????????????
So much for me not being inspired to write this section. God I’m wordy. How do you guys deal with me, like at all, ever.
Nope love interest
The love interest that’s not worthy of being one
I haven’t thought about this in a while but G from My Lady Jane really sucks?? Also, he’s literally a horse half the time. There’s an episode of the show Big Mouth like that. What is it with ladies and men being transformed into horses. (I just thought about Shrek 2 but then remembered it’s Shrek being transformed into a man and Donkey being transformed into a horse. Similar.)
Anyway. G is just like really gross and obsessive. One track mind. Boring. Not helpful. Snoozefest. Is somehow more interesting as a horse, completely unable to vocalize at all, than as a human being.
My Lady Jane sucks. I forgot about that.
A book that shouldn’t have existed
Oh f*ck yeah. The holy grail of nope books. The worst book in the world with the highest stakes and the worst consequences and the sh*ttiest glorifying television adaptation.
Oh hell yeah guys. It’s Thirteen Reasons Why. It’s the worst book ever!
This book should not exist for a million reasons, but I already wrote thirteen of them so if you want to get the hell into it then you can head over to that link above, baby.
Like. I hate this book more than anything, and therefore I want to scream about it from the rooftops for all eternity, but also it takes it out of me and I prefer to repress the memory of this book’s existence whenever possible.
A villain you would hate to cross
Oh my god this is the longest tag of all time, I am so tired, I complained about this an eon ago and still I am doing it, I cannot remember what life was like before this tag, this is one hundred percent my fault for writing so much and still I am furious.
I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a villain you like or dislike.
The villain(s) from Caraval are boring and tryhardy, just like every single part of that book.
I would never cross Levana from the Lunar Chronicles because that, my friends, is one powerful b*tch.
A character death that still haunts you
What if I just linked a book that no one dies in here? Then everyone who has read it would be in on the joke and everyone who hasn’t would be like “ASDGHJSGHJGD OMFG #spoilers rude wtf!!!! i still love u but what the hell omg”
That was my impression of you guys. Thoughts? I thought it was pretty good. Except for the part where you say you love me
but I have to get affection somehow
I’ll just say Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and leave it at that, even though I imagine 100% of the people reading this know what I’m talking about.
An author you had a bad experience with and decided to quit
I am a genuine sucker for punishment, so I do this: rarely. I have given every Sarah J. Maas book I’ve ever read two stars, and yet I will certainly read more from her in the future. I read The Infernal Devices and part of The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare and wasn’t feelin’ either, but I have loose plans to read Lady Midnight
and understand literally none of it. John Green is my least favorite author and person in the world, but his new one is on my TBR.
I’m pretty sick of J.K. Rowling though. Fingers crossed me and her won’t be encountering one another anytime soon. (UNLESS MY DREAM OF GETTING IN A TWITTER FIGHT WITH HER COMES TRUE PLEASE GOD.)
(Michael Scott voice) I did it.
I’m not going to tag anyone in this because I have approx. 0 friends outside of those two, but this is p fun and I love complaining and I recommend doing this if you also love to complain!!!!