My unexpected I-am-the-worst hiatus prevented me from ever doing a July wrap up!!!! So I am thus unleashing the fresh hell upon myself that will be inserting two months’ worth of book covers in here. I literally hate inserting any non-Instagram image into WordPress. I hate it more than I hate almost all activities. (Except any that involve physical activity or extended non-friend eye contact.) It is so boring and tedious and didfficult.
Anyway here is the list of all the books I read in July and August. I tried to make it sound exciting by saying “the definitive” but I don’t think it worked.
NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL JULY
I read 19 books in July boi!!! I’m pretty proud. Granted I did Not have a job so there would be really no excuse for me reading less, but I like to pat myself on the back whenever possible thankssomuch.
I bet I’m going to discover that a bunch of these books I read last month still don’t have reviews and then HATE MYSELF.
1. Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari
Me (in tears): I LOVE HIIIIIIIM.
I have been considering doing a celebrity-fictional-real life crushes post, because I am inherently self-absorbed and believe everyone could give a sh*t about the minutiae of my life. But if I did make one, Aziz would be at the top, baby! Or close to it. Actually this wouldn’t be a ranking at all. Too hard.
This is not a sustainable amount of writing for each of these 19 books, let alone the August ones too, BUT I LOVE HIM. And I gave this four and a half stars!!!
2. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (reread)
I can’t go a post without mentioning how this is my favorite book, but this is my favorite book.
Five stars. Obviously.
This book was okay. Like it was fun and unique and all. But also it had so many problems.
(Me as a book.)
Anyway it was a solid three stars.
4. The Great Gatsby (reread)
This is the best review I’ve ever written, and if you haven’t read it you’re either dumb or have sufficient time management skills. Either way, you’re missing out.
An easy five stars. Like, duh. It’s the book that gave me Daisy Buchanan.
5. Final Girls by Riley Sager
This book was hot garbage. Okay, not hot garbage, because I didn’t one star it. More like…cabbage. Stepping in liquid while wearing socks. Vacuuming. Something mildly unpleasant but not life-changingly bad.
6. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne (reread)
Update: this book is still as cute and fun as it was the first time around, just as helpful when in need of a fluffy read, more than worthy of a recommendation to a best friend, and still mildly unpleasant, cheesy and clichéd at times.
But! Featuring Joshua Templeman.
A silky-smooth four stars. (I thought that would be funny but I actually am kind of repulsed by my own combination of words.)
7. Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour by Morgan Matson (reread)
And thus we arrive at the first book I haven’t reviewed yet. It’s been a month and a half. I have no excuse.
I remember that this book was weird but not why it was, so it’ll definitely be a helpful review and not annoying and vague at all!!!!
Two stars baby!!!
8. We Are Okay by Nina Lacour
Maybe the best YA depiction (though still wildly imperfect) of depression and going-off-to-college I have Ever Read. Read the review if you want a condescending explanation of why you’re not allowed to dislike this book!!!
Three and a half stars.
A VERY PROMISING START TO THIS SERIES. Both classic and disappointing that it took me a nearly unbelievable amount of time to read it.
Being late to the party is incredibly on-brand for me.
You already know who it is!!! (But if you don’t the answer is four and a half stars.)
10-12. The graphic novels
I already wrote a mini-review post for these three and I REFUSE to do it again. I gave them an average of two stars, I think. Who cares. The post is linked.
Not counting this as a reread because it’s been legitimately 10 years since I read it.
Also, this book sucks!!!! It’s literally so bad!!! I gave it one freaking star guys!!!!!! The only reason the full review isn’t posted yet is because it’s so f*ckin much to write!!!!
I already said one star but I said freaking, and I don’t want to bold that or otherwise draw more attention to it.
14. Henry and the Chalk Dragon by Jennifer Trafton
I feel kinda bad because my negative review of this is the top one for the book on Goodreads. And I’m not the target audience for middle grade adventure with an overly creative male protagonist, SO WHY AM I THE TESTIMONIAL.
But still I didn’t like this and I stand by it. Two stars and no yelling at me for it!!!
15. The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater
The somewhat-worse sequel to The Raven Boys, but a much better review on my end. I talk a lot about Tibetan monks and somehow find time to STILL give this book three and a half stars.
I’m not saying I’m a hero…but I’m also not NOT saying it.
16. Only Dull People are Brilliant at Breakfast by Oscar Wilde
Most of this review is me complaining about how much I hate Outside.
But you can still click it!!! Four stars.
17. The Selection (reread)
This book is so bad. It is, very rarely, fun. But there are tiny pinpricks of entertainment/light. Otherwise, it is a girl-hate-infested snoozefest.
Woohoo. One and a half stars.
18. So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson
I don’t ever like nonfiction, but this book was very great.
Four or four and a half or five stars. I haven’t decided yet. My life is hard.
19. The Elite by Kiera Cass (reread)
THIS BOOK IS LIKE A SOMEHOW-WORSE VERSION OF THE SELECTION I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT THROUGH IT AND I SURE AS HELL DON’T KNOW HOW I PLAN TO GET THROUGH THE NEXT ONE WHICH BY ALL INDICATIONS (THE FIRST HALF) IS EVEN WORSE.
One star. Obviously.
OH HELL YA COME THRU AUGUST
I read thirteen books in August! That’s a lot less but also I was a) on vacation and b) had a full time job and c) was planning for college.
Excuses, excuses, you should be saying. Because you know me.
1 & 2. The Reptile Room and The Wide Window by Lemony Snicket (rereads)
I LOVE A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS. IT IS MY FAVORITE SERIES I REREAD IT ALL THE TIME I’LL NEVER GET TIRED OF IT THE BOOKS GET BETTER AND BETTER I CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE TWELFTH BOOK WHICH IS BOTH MY FAVORITE AND THE ONLY ONE I DON’T OWN.
I’m done yelling, sorry. Four stars and four and a half stars!
3. Second Chance Summer by Morgan Matson (reread)
Another eh installment of my attempts at a Morgan Matson reread. This book is like, so whatever. She could do so much better. I think we should get together now. AND THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT.
Ah, Avril. Do you guys think she died in 2011 or whatever? I’m open to the concept.
Anyway. Three stars.
4. Just One Day by Gayle Forman (reread)
HAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE YELLING (because I said I was) BUT YOU WERE WRONG BECAUSE THIS IS MY FAVORITE CONTEMPORARY EVER IN FACT IT IS DEFINITIVELY THE BEST ONE AND IF YOU THINK I’M WRONG THEN YOU’RE ACTUALLY WRONG.
Five stars boi!!!!!
5. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine (reread)
This reread was a BLAST AND A HALF. Take one blast and then add one half of another blast and you have this reread experience.
Four and a half stars baby. (Using the word “baby” is a lot creepier without the usual exclamation points!!!!)
6-9. The Mayhem series by Jamie Shaw
I read this whole romance series this month. I don’t want to talk about it. Average rating ~two and a half stars (I don’t care to look. LOOK YOURSELF.) (I’m sorry I lashed out.)
10. Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater
I LOVED THIS BOOK SO MUCH THAT I DON’T THINK I’M CAPABLE OF REVIEWING IT. I GIVE THIS BOOK A MILLION GANSEYS. (Just kidding, that’s irresponsible. Gansey = infinite stars, and this book doesn’t need a infinity million stars. That’s just ridiculous. I’d break Goodreads.)
So five stars baby!!!
11. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
A TWENTY HOUR LONG AUDIOBOOK!!! Crazy. The stamina. (I mean my stamina listening to it all, obviously. I cannot stress enough that I do not care about anyone besides myself.)
I thought it was impressive but not for me. Three stars!!!!
12. But What If We’re Wrong? by Chuck Klosterman
This book made my Brain Hurt. And there were some sections I loved and some that made me feel like, whaaaat? Instead of writing this essay you could’ve just copy and pasted “idk” for 30 pages, Chuck.
Also I picked this up upside down Every Time. There was no learning curve. Just the wrong choice over an dover.
But it’s so stinkin impressive that I had to give it four stars!
13. Just One Year by Gayle Forman
And then this book had to come along and ruin its predecessor. It’s SO Bad. I just could never give any book that involves my daughter Allyson one star.
But two stars, man. And a very upset two stars at that.
Holy god. If you’re not happy with how much you’ve read this month, I highly recommend writing a very labor intensive post. I feel like I read every book in the goddamn Library of Congress in the last two months.
I am so thankful this post is done.