What up what up.
Yes, hello, I am here. I did not post on time, which would have been, I believe, yesterday. This is particularly catastrophic due to the massive unplanned hiatus I took at the beginning of this month, but whatever. I am not perfect. I am “perfectly imperfect,” a term which here means “a massive compliment to myself under the guise of Hot Topic-esque embracing of uniqueness.”
But, in short: I’m back. Sorry.
I was tagged in something by a true fave blog o’mine!!! Ash and Lo at Windowsill Books tagged me to do this! I love their blog sm and I talk about it all the time and if you are not following them by now that’s honestly a character flaw on your part.
Another cool thing about this tag is that there isn’t a big rule section. So I get to just jump right into
outlining my future career path answering fun Qs.
So let’s do this.
IF YOU WERE THE RULER OF BOOKS…
(um, I am the ruler of books. I have always, mentally, been the ruler of books, and now I am in the eyes of all of you. It’s the law. I was tagged, fair and square.)
What book would you make everyone read?
It’s my greatest dream to be able to make everyone read my favorite books. I think it really says something about my personality that when I like something, I immediately dream of forcing everyone to agree with me. And if you do read it and don’t like it, then I’m right you’re wrong I’m big you’re little I’m smart you’re dumb.
Yes, that was a reference to Matilda.
I want to say I would make everyone read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, because it is, as everyone now knows, my favorite book ever. But probably I would say an important book, like Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. It’s a book about the racism in the American justice system and the way that impacts the death penalty. And also questions why the f*ck we have the death penalty.
That answer stopped being funny reaaaaal quick.
Also I don’t have any photos of Just Mercy so pretend I said Alice just for the pic.
What would you abolish in book construction?
NO. COVER. CHANGES.
I would never stop reading a series just because the cover changed (I mean, unless I was looking for a reason to stop reading the series), but IT MAKES IT SO MUCH HARDER. SERIOUSLY.
I’m way too obsessed with the aesthetics of my book collections to not have to re-buy the other books in order to have them all match. I do the same thing if I have some of the series in paperback and some in hardcover. IT’S TOO MUCH. I WANT THEM TO BE PRETTY.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about An Ember in the Ashes, considering I haven’t even read the second book yet.
Look how messed up this picture is in order to attempt to hide the fact that two of the books are hardcover and three are paperback.
What author would you commission to write you any book?
YOU DIDN’T SAY THEY HAD TO BE ALIVE.
It’s official. In my role as the ruler of books, I can not only control all aspects of publishing, writing, reading and reviewing, but also I can resurrect any author I choose like some sort of hyperspecific Dr. Frankenstein.
Again I say: mwahahaha.
And also I would resurrect Jane Austen and have her write me a book. Follow your heart, Janie, I would say. But also, follow your heart a lot more toward Pride & Prejudice and Northanger Abbey and Persuasion than Sense & Sensibility or Mansfield Park, okay? I did resurrect you for this, after all.
What book would you demote to the library basement in order to make room for new books?
But if I had to pick one…oh Jesus. I can’t pick a least favorite book. This is so much harder for me than picking a favorite. (Picture me winking toward the Alice stack on my bookshelf. Picture me winking elegantly and effortlessly, even though me winking actually looks more like an uncontrollable full-face twitch.)
Here’s a picture featuring This is Where the World Ends peeking its evil lil head out.
What cover artist would you commission to make a mural?
Ooh this is such a fun one!!!
Anna Bond, from Rifle Paper Co. She is responsible for the heart-wrenching, unfair beauty of the Puffin in Bloom classics and also that really gorgeous edition of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland that I take photos of CONSTANTLY.
Runner up: Whoever does the Penguin Clothbound Classics. Close, but no cigar.
Anyway. I want Anna Bond to paint over my entire life.
What character’s face would you put on a coin?
Oh, holy sh*t, I love this. Oh my god. Okay. I have to pick multiple, right? How do I pick one.
I am so legitimately excited about this. Why am I acting like someone actually gave me the authority to produce a line of coins?
Probably because it’s all giving me ideas for when my plans for world dominance and empire formation finally come to fruition. It’s been 19 years now. (I’ve been plotting away since infancy.)
Okay. I just spent twenty minutes on pure, unadulterated reflection, and here are my answers (yes, plural, I tried):
- Gansey from The Raven Cycle
- Noah and Jude from I’ll Give You the Sun (they can share)
- Alice (duh, no more explanation needed)
- The Baudelaire orphans from A Series of Unfortunate Events (they too can share)
- Henry “Heart Eyes” Tilney from Northanger Abbey
- The little prince from The Little Prince
- Allyson, my queen from Just One Day
- and, of course, the inimitable Étienne St. Clair
I am about one half of one second away from going mad with metallurgic power, so it is time to move on.
What book would award the “Ruler of Books” 2016 prize to?
Oh, holy lord. I thought the prospect of coin design would drive me crazy with envy (envy for future me, who will produce those coins) but this is much worse.
WOW I WANT A BOOK AWARD.
I don’t even know how many books I read in 2016 that were actually released in 2016.
So of the books I rated five stars in 2016, literally 2 were published that year. I am so bad at reading books anywhere close to their release date. I buy them the day they’re out, and then they languish on my shelves for a year. HORRIBLE.
So I pick The Invoice, I guess!
Tags, or: People I would elect Ruler of Books in my stead, but only in the event that it was absolutely impossible for me to hold that power
(luckily I can, so I don’t actually have to do give this power to anyone else irl, but still I’ll pretend)
- Emma (she changed her name and the new name is v cool. Emma, if you’re reading this, and you should be: the new name is v cool)
I actually realize that pretty much everyone who follows me would be (almost) as good as I would be at ruling books!!! So if you see this and you wanna do it (which, don’t lie, you do) then do it!
Thanks again to Ash & Lo!!! This was so fun!!!!